Sharif Faizullah 0:00

Do you want to marry him? Does he want to marry you?

SPEAKER_00 0:02

This is like your version of halal dating.

Sharif Faizullah 0:04

Well, no, it's not a situation.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Should you still cut off an otherwise good person?

SPEAKER_00 0:08

What's the deal with you and this guy? We're trying to sort things out right now.

Sharif Faizullah 0:11

Your life deserves more than being stuck in a limbo.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

What do you kind of need to do in that situation?

Sharif Faizullah 0:16

Rank up that marriage that MBA divorce proof your future marriage today. If you're in a romantic or physical relationship, but you don't want to put a label on it, that's a situationship. When someone asks you, hey, what's the deal with you and this guy? Don't fool yourself by saying it's complicated. It's really not. So what I want you to do is I want you to uncomplicate your situationship by asking these questions. Please take a screenshot. Do you want to marry this man? Yes or no. Does he want to marry you? Now if the answer is yes to both questions, only then ask, does he have deen and character? Is he compatible with you? Only if the answer is yes to both of those questions, then you ask, is he willing to talk to my family? And is he willing to do that now? If the answer is yes to all of that, pursue him for marriage. And if the answer is no to any of these questions, then it's time to end the situationship because being in limbo is not good for your heart. And you want to tell him your decision to end things, and when you do, please use clear language. Here is an example. Take a screenshot if you need to. I've realized that when it comes to Deen, character, and compatibility, we are not a good fit for each other. So I have decided to end things between us. Please respect my decision and stop all communication. And what do you do after that? You cut him off from your life completely. You need to block him on social media, block his phone number. Go out of your way to avoid him. And yes, I know this can be emotionally taxing, but it would be more taxing to continue this situationship. And that's not it. I also want you to share this with a trustworthy friend and a caring family member. Why? So they can actually help you later if you're gonna groan and moan about your decision to end things with him. So you tell them this. Hey, can you just slap me if I ever complain to you about ending this situation? Don't actually slap me, just snap me out of it by reminding me why I ended it. And then last but not least, you know, grieve and heal. It's okay. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually. I really recommend you journal. Answer this question. How is ending this situationship good for me in the long run? Write it down. You do like a long warm bath with epsilon salt or whatever you need to relax. Do that and take care of yourself. Find ways to smoothly close this chapter. Being in a situation ship, being in limbo is not good for your heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

He says it's a situationship, but there's potential for it to be more. Should I still pursue it? Isn't that about it?

Sharif Faizullah 3:02

Well, that's that is the very definition of what it is. This is exactly what we're talking about. Why do people stay in situationships? They're like, it might be more, and it might be more, and then time goes by, heartbreaks happen, and you're you know you're in a limbo. Like you're basically kind of like opening up your heart for you know additional hurt and pain and suffering and all of that. Go through the same, go through the uh the checklist that we gave you in the chapter. Do you want to marry him? Does he want to marry you? Is he the in character? Is he compatible with you? Is he willing to talk to your family? Is he willing to do that? Now, like just go through the whole thing. If you think there is the potential for it to be more, well, test it. Don't be, you know, in an iffy situation. Because the situationships are like the iffy, if iffy, you know, maybe or maybe not entanglement. They're like being in limbo, that's what you don't want because that is not good for your heart. So what you want to do is you want that if situation to like either go towards a yes or go towards a no. Go one way or the other. Because your life deserves more than being stuck in a limbo for many, many years. A lot of these situations last for many years, if not months. So I would say go through the whole process and see if the potential that you think there, if it's actually there, test it. You might find that yeah, it is there. Okay, then move forward, no problem. But if it is there, you can give it a clean cut and just close that chapter and move on.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Suppose you're in a situation ship, like you're in a romantic relationship, but you're not putting a label on it because you want to keep a halal. This is like your version of halal dating. We're not dating because we're not married, we're trying to sort things out right now, that it's not like a toxic thing, but it's not going anywhere right now.

Sharif Faizullah 4:32

So I understand the question, right? But my my reply is exactly the same with what I just said. That's the whole point. That is the trap. So what you just said, right? Like that's the trap. If you were to put a label on it, okay, we're getting to know each other for the purpose of marriage. Well, now it's not a situation sheep. You're actually actively pursuing towards marriage. So you filter the guy through, okay, he's like, you know, some random stranger, maybe, and then he goes to Mr. Potential. From there, he goes to like being Mr. Wright. Maybe you're here, that's okay. But as long as you're moving towards this direction. But if you're just stuck here, we will just see, we will see and wait. That's what you don't you want to just avoid that. What you described, you see, there's a lot of like mixed messages I got. Because getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage is not situationship. This is exactly what you're supposed to do. But what you do is you do that with your marriage magnet, with the knowledge of your family and getting your marriage team involved. And you do it in a way you will be able to know if he's the right person or not. So you can make a decision and so you can move towards the wedding engagement and wedding and making that final decision. So you see that? As long as you're able to move through these steps, then you're good to go. In step two, inshallah, we're gonna dig into a lot of our fears that we have. So we're not gonna like shy away from anything, whatever it is that is holding us back or why we're not moving forward, inshaAllah. We want to look straight in the eye and deal with it, inshaAllah.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Okay, keeping your diagram right there. Suppose you're not stuck in that first bubble. He's not a stranger, you're not just waiting and seeing. You're kind of in between step two and three, where like, okay, he's not a stranger, I like him, but now there's some other complication.

Sharif Faizullah 6:03

His family So he's so he's Mr. Potential. But but you you haven't decided whether he's Mr. Wright or not, so he hasn't gone there yet.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

No, you've decided you've decided that he's Mr. Wright, but now there's some other complication that's keeping you from getting to that exact point.

Sharif Faizullah 6:17

Then the whole thing changes. So it's not a situation ship anymore. If he is Mr. Wright and you are the right woman for him, and your family's involved, you're going through the whole process, whatever difficulty, whatever issue that is not allowing you guys to move forward, well, now you gotta do creative problem solving. What is it? Like, okay, you're you guys are not ready to move together. Well, I already mentioned that. There is a solution for that. You guys are not ready to have children right away. Well, we actually recommend that. Don't have children right after marriage, okay? Wait a couple of years. Like, tell me the problem that is keeping you guys stuck here, that you're not able to move towards engagement or move towards marriage. And I'm telling you, people have solved it in many different, many creative ways. What is it that's stopping you? That's what is the blocker, and what are some possible solutions? Brainstorm with each other, with your families involved, and find a way to move forward, inshallah. Because some of these blockers are actually an excellent opportunity. Whenever something like this happens, don't run away from it, don't shy from it. You know what? This this is an amazing way to test the guy, to see his resolve, his patience, how he actually deals with it. You know, ask for some suggestions, some way, some solutions from him. And you also suggest that dance that you will do, it'll tell you so much about how he will deal with real life problems.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

If you're both young or studying and can't get married immediately, should you still cut off an otherwise good person?

Sharif Faizullah 7:31

Uh, it's actually part of a cornerstone marriage where you and your future husband grow together. So you can get married while you're still in college. And I'm gonna share with you exactly how to do that, how to make sure he is the right guy, how to bring it to your parents, and how to make it happen without sacrificing your education and without sacrificing your career. That's an excellent question, so hang tight. If you're asking me, should you cut it off, the answer is no. As long as the some of the questions that I ask you, some of those filtering questions, if the answer is good with those, then absolutely there are ways to do that. I'm gonna show you how to do that very soon, inshallah. If a guy slides into your DMs and expresses romantic interest in you, what would you reply with? You'll automatically know if the guy is serious enough for marriage, if he's are you interested in him? That's the first question.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Use a little bit of your critical thinking when it comes to I would like my daughters to memorize this sentence.

Sharif Faizullah 8:22

This one sentence, just like memorize this sentence. This is going to be Oh my god, I want you to memorize this sentence.