SPEAKER_02 0:00

If you have a crush, congrats. You're a human. Verify that you're not a robot.

Sana 0:03

Good job.

Sharif Faizullah 0:05

I cannot think of one single reason why you would have to tell the guy that you have a crush on him.

Sana 0:09

Like a reminder for yourself whether you had the crush because you like the way he made you feel.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

It becomes like a parasitic relationship where they're kind of like feeding off your energy.

Sharif Faizullah 0:18

Single? Check. Invaluable, check. Doesn't have any of your deal breakers? Check. As most of your deal makers, check. Now go ahead and pursue him.

Sana 0:26

Rank up that marriage that MBA. Divorce proof your future marriage today. I really want to highlight the fact that having feelings is normal. Islamically, you are allowed to have feelings. It's not wrong to feel a certain way. That's something that really needs to be drilled in that, like, yeah, you can have crushes, but you don't have to act on every single one and do that the maddest madness with every single one. Like you can have it and keep it to yourself. Maybe have a little giggle with your friend, like, hey, look cute. But if you're not doing anything, that's fine. Like, you're good.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Yeah. The first line of this chapter always makes me laugh, but it's so real. It's just like, if you have a crush, congrats, you're a human. Verify that you're not a robot. Good job. I feel like it's so simple, and you would assume that it's common sense if it's a normal thing, but it's really not. Because people love to villainize having feelings. Like, you should never feel angry, or you should never feel jealous, or you should never have a crush. Like, no, all of these things are totally normal. It's okay to feel them. Acting on them in negative ways and like expressing those feelings in ways that you shouldn't, that's when we start getting those complicated, like, no, don't do that.

Sana 1:31

And I really like the more practical side, the 30 days crush your crush test, because that also tests whether it's an actual crush or if it's just like, you know, sometimes you're like, Oh, he's cute, and then give it two weeks later, you're like, What was I thinking? Respectfully, what was I thinking?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Yeah, especially when it comes to funneling. If you're letting people through that top layer just based on like, oh, he's so cute. Like, I saw him on Instagram and I DM'd him, he answered me, like, okay, that's where you really need to employ this crush the crush. Because is he actually a potential, or do you just really, really want him to be a potential? So giving yourself those 30 days to be like, okay, let me vet and verify my own feelings.

Sana 2:12

I have a question though for Sharif. If you're doing this crush your crush test, do you think you should announce that to him, or do you think you should keep it a secret? Is that like tell him? No, no, no, no, not literally, you're not like oh you're my crush. No, no, no, let me let me rephrase that. Not saying, like, oh, you're my crush, so I'm gonna crush my crush. But just to be like, oh, for 30 days, like I'm deleting Instagram for 30 days, so I'm not gonna be able to talk to you. Do you think you should tell him that you're not gonna talk to him for 30 days? Or do you think you should just go call turkey ghost for 30 days?

Sharif Faizullah 2:47

Do not tell him that you're doing this. That defeats the whole purpose. So I would not recommend that, but I would recommend one of your trustworthy friends. You can enroll them in it. Hey, I'm just doing something interesting. You know, just help me out through this process. I cannot think of one single reason why you would have to tell the guy that you have a crush on him. For like, I don't I can't think of a single reason. And what's important is that it is don't take it too seriously. Like, oh my god, oh, this is real. Now I have to end up like, don't take it too seriously. This is just a simple way to know if the feeling you're feeling is either just a fleeting that you're just gonna get out of your emotional system very soon in a week or two, or is it something that there is some depth to it? You know what? Actually, at the end of it, I'm still like, hmm, I think he might be a good match potentially. Then if you're married, get ready for marriage, and depending on what stage of that journey you might be in, then pursue it to the next stage. This is a simple way, a fun way for you to get him out of your system without having to make this complicated, long-winded process.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I think if you have a crush on someone or like if you have interaction with this person and see, okay, what drew me to them in the first place, because then you can put those in your deal makers or green flags or things that you're looking for. But if it's like, oh, he compliments me all the time, like if it's like an ego thing, like he's feeding your ego, definitely be like, okay, let me self-reflect. A lot of people, their first relationship or their first crush, whatever, they'll get into it and they'll be like, Oh, they start relying on that person solely for their happiness, and they're like, This is what I need. It becomes like a parasitic relationship where like they're kind of like feeding off your energy. That's what you don't want. So, definitely check yourself for those two. And then during the crush, your crush, if you're not talking to him, if you're ghosting, whatever, that doesn't mean for 30 days to like sit in your room in your corner and be like, Oh my god, I can't talk to him, I can't talk to him. You don't want to be like mulling on that over and over. You want to like distract yourself, give yourself space to not think about him and see if it goes away. After 30 days, am I still gonna want to talk to him, see him? Or is this after 30 days like, oh, I forgot about him. I forgot that you existed. I don't even know.

Sharif Faizullah 4:41

What if you have a crush on someone who's married?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Oh that's messy. That's messy. Yeah, I didn't even go there.

Sana 4:49

Instead of like a 30-day crush your crush, just a forever crush your crush.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

That's like a yeah.

Sharif Faizullah 4:55

I think what we need to do is be honest with ourselves. Instead of shoving it down or pushing it down, ignoring it, you look at it, feel it. This is the thing with feelings. If you try to ignore it, it's gonna come back stronger. And then maybe do a little bit of self-assessment. Okay, what's what's going on here? Maybe there is certain traits, certain qualities, something you like. Okay, all right, that's good. So I I know what I like. And someone turns you off completely, ah, give you this icky feeling. Okay, now I know what I don't like. So use these as clues. Allah has given this beautiful life, you know, amazing adventure. Go through it fully. Don't feel bad about having a crush on someone, even if you have a crush on multiple people. That's just part of growing up. If I do something that is inappropriate, okay, then I might be crossing a line. But the fact that I like someone or I feel attracted to someone, but I haven't crossed any line, Islam says nothing about that. A lot of people, especially the practicing crowd, they have this idea that, oh my god, I can't even like someone. Then how do you how do you get to know each other?

Sana 5:53

And then where does the attraction come in? Yeah, I think that kind of goes back to what I said in the beginning about how it's normal to have the feeling, it's about how you act. I think as well, I know you mentioned like it's okay to talk about those kind of feelings with your friends. I think it depends what kind of friends they are. Because some friends would just be like, Oh, why don't you just talk to him? Like, just be friends, you can be friends. Um, but you'll have other friends which would be like, Okay, it's cool to have those feelings, but get rid of his number. You don't need to talk to him, like respect his relationship. So I think it depends. You kind of know your friends and you know which ones you can talk to them about it, and they will knock some sense into your head and the ones that will feed your delusions.

Sharif Faizullah 6:31

Yeah, that's an excellent point. It's okay to have these feelings, but taking steps towards it where it might cross a boundary, that's the gray zone, that's the danger zone that we want you to avoid.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

Crushes, I think, are very individual, they're very personal. You can keep them to yourself. If you want to tell a friend, that's up to you. But again, like Sana said, make sure you're telling the actually trustworthy friend that's looking out for your best interest because you don't want it to be like, okay, I'm doing this 30-day thing, and every day they're asking, like, did you think about him? Did you check his Instagram today? Did you see this? Like, you don't want to. Exactly. You don't want someone that's gonna undermine your progress. So, whoever you tell, make sure that they have your best interest at heart and you like let them know what you need from this, I guess.

Sana 7:09

One more question, and I know you both kind of said this in separate chunks, but just so there's one clear answer. What should you do after the 30 days?

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Um, this kind of depends on the crush and like the level and how the 30 days went for you. If it's a long distance type thing where like this is someone that you saw in passing one day, and you're like, oh my god, they gave such a good speech at this whatever, they're so cute, okay? But you've never talked to them, and after 30 days, they kind of like fade from your mind, then you're not even gonna really worry about like what you should do after 30 days because it's already gonna be part of your routine to like not talk to them or not think about them. It's gonna just kind of be like regular life. Do you know what I mean? It's just if you move on, then you move on, great. Then the other example is if that person is attainable, you are ready for marriage, it's been 30 days, you still like them. Okay, then pursue that. So, like different avenues for I guess different things.

Sharif Faizullah 8:00

So after 30 days, if there's nothing, then you know that's fine. But if there is something, then there are two things you want to look at. You want to look at number one, is he single? Because if he's not, don't make it messy. Like just keep it simple. If he's is he single? Number two, is he available? Meaning at this stage, is he seeking marriage? Is he ready? Is he actually uh willing? This is where marriage ambassadors, your marriage team comes into play. You can find ways to get that information. And then you want to know does he have most of your deal makers? Is he free from all of your deal breakers? So single, check, available, check. Doesn't have any of your deal breakers, check. He has most of your deal makers, check. Now go ahead and pursue him. Share your marriage magnet, like really pursue him.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

I feel like that little checklist can be employed like before, during, after. If you have a crush and he goes through those checklists, then you don't need to crush it because it's yeah, something you can pursue. The crushing, the crush, like getting rid of the crush is more so if he is wrong in one of those checklists. Like if there's X Marxes, that's when you need to employ the like hey, don't talk to him.

Sharif Faizullah 9:01

Okay. So crushing your crush only applies if he is Mr. Wrong, or if you're not ready for marriage yet. Like, if you're not ready, like I am thinking about a capstone marriage, I'm gonna get everything figured out, my life and my career and all of that, then I'm gonna get married. Well, then you might want to do crush your crush test for 30 days. But if you know you're ready, you have your parents on board, your marriage magnet ready, well, then there's no point in dilly-dallying and making it more complicated. That's the whole point of it. If you're ready and you have someone who could be potentially Mr. Wright, then why not?

Sana 9:34

This chapter is really that one where truth hurts. You can still be in a toxic relationship and be ticking yes to some of these boxes. Cut off your toxic relation with a butcher knife, not a butter knife.

Sharif Faizullah 9:45

Serendipity is probably the least reliable. It'll waste a lot of years.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

A dating app recently also used the same thing. It was a Muslim dating app too.

Sana 9:53

I was like, but no matter what is gonna hurt, you might as well just make it hurt for the least amount of time if you just quickly.