Happily Ever Hereafter

Getting Married and Having Kids Are NOT the Same Thing

Marriage.MBA Season 1

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0:00 | 2:59

📋 How ready are you for marriage?
Take the free Marriage Ready Quiz → https://MarriageReadyQuiz.com

Most Muslim women delay marriage because they're not ready for children yet. 
But what if those are actually two completely separate decisions, and mixing them up is costing you years you can't get back?

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why getting married and having children are not the same event
  • How to pursue your education and career without putting marriage on hold
  • The question to ask yourself if your family is pressuring you to do everything at once

🧭 WHY YOU FOLLOW THIS PODCAST:

Because you deserve to be a Marriagineer - a Muslim woman who reverse-engineers a divorce-proof, happy, and healthy marriage that leads to Jannah, in shā Allāh, following Marriage.MBA's 8-Step Marriage Roadmap.

So one day, you can ask your future co-founder, your future husband:
"Will you marry me in Jannah?"

📚 LOVE MISTAKES BOOK BUNDLE
Hardcover + Audiobook + Videobook
Free shipping in the U.S.

All 20 True-Love Skills. One step-by-step roadmap. Built for a 20-year-old single Muslim woman who wants to divorce-proof her future marriage - because a solid pre-marriage education reduces your chance of divorce by 30%.

Watch the videobook, listen to the audiobook on the Marriage.MBA app, or flip through the hardcover as you sip your green tea. For the best results, do all three.

LoveMistakes.com

SPEAKER_01

Someone who just got married will be holding like a baby and they're like, Well, you're next, right?

SPEAKER_00

Guys, this is not a fun joke to be making. Does that mean when people are at weddings and they're like, Oh, you're next? And then at the funeral, they turn to the same person, they're like, Oh, you're next. Always makes me laugh.

Sharif Faizullah

Rank up that marriage. Getting married and having children, they are completely separate life events. The reason why a lot of Muslims get tangled up and confused in this, and they say, I want to wait until I'm 30 to get married, you know what they're thinking? So that I get married and I can have children right away. No, separate them in your mind completely. You can get married when you are ready. When you're ready, find the right person. Great. And we even recommend that you live at least two years, at least two years before having children. Just you and your husband, and that's it. If you're getting married in your early 20s, you can even wait longer than that. My wife and I, we had our first self five years after we got married.

SPEAKER_01

My family is like, you're 26, you're not married, don't you want a kids? Don't you want to do all these things? I'm like, no, I've looked into it. I've got my marriage ready score. I want to go get my doctorate. I want to be working. I want to capstone marriage. How do I make them understand that?

Sharif Faizullah

Okay, why can't you get married now and still pursue the education or the career that you want? So this would be my challenge for you. And we actually help you solve that in step two. We talk about marriage-friendly career and career-friendly marriage. We talk about what is the bare minimum level of education you've got to make sure that you have, even if you get married. The question is this how can I pursue my education and career while I am married? And yeah, wait to have children. Getting married and having children are not the same thing. So can you perhaps get married, pursue education and career, have children when you're ready? Because otherwise, let's say you're 26 and you get married when you're 32. You will feel the pressure to have children much more. At that age, finding the right guy would be a little bit more difficult because the pool would be smaller. So you're 26 now, and let's say alhamdulillah, you've been saved from any type of heartbreaks or being tangled up in a relationship with a guy. Well, the next six years, can you guarantee that? Can you guarantee that you can stay away from any type of emotional entanglement with any guy? So that's why I would go back to this question. Can you get married if you're ready? And then have children when you want to. But do not compromise on your education and career. That means find a guy who would be able to support you as you pursue those things. Or if you're younger than that, work on your heart. You learn more things in this step, inshallah. Work on those things. Because remember, the goal is this until you find the right guy, stay away from the wrong guy and prepare your heart.

SPEAKER_01

You mentioned dinks in the book and like having a dual income, no kid marriage. How what do you recommend for people who want to convey to their family members, I actually don't want to have kids? How do you recommend people tackle those conversations?